I spent last night at my Sara Barielles concert, which I might say was amazing. A few songs in she played 'Hercules' which as you know has kinda been my anthem for the past several months. She took a moment to tell the crowd where the song came from and why she wrote it. Basically she was having a crap year. I can relate. Then she dedicated the song to all the people at there struggling with something and just before she started singing said 'Have hope it will get better'. Even though I was in a crowded outdoor ampitheatre it felt like she could have been talking straight to me and I teared up through the whole song. That lady is simply amazing.
We got home a little after midnight, I jumped in the shower and then to bed. 4:45 comes early. We woke up hurried to get ready and in the car to make it to our 8:15 appt. At 7:15 their time, that's 6:15 mine, I took my prescribed valium and 1/2 percoset. By the time they called me in the back I thought I was feeling pretty good. Mostly calm and teeny tiny bit drowsy but hey that could be the 3 and a half hours sleep talking. I changed into my gown, little booties, and shower cap and waited for them to take me back. It took a few minutes during which the embryologist came out and introduced herself which I thought was really nice. Finally it was time. The second I walked into the big scary room both the drowsy and the calm evaporated. Suddenly I was very nervous. I got settled and stared up at the big white light above me trying desperately not to see the what I kid you not looks like a 3 foot needle. Dr. Scotchie did my procedure and she explained to me everything she was doing as she was doing it but I could not tell you what any of it was because shortly after she started there was just too much pain. So so much pain. I struggled to keep my body from jerking away from her as huge wet tears flooded out. She started on my right side which surprised me because that was where the no longer growing follicle was. By the time she finished aspirating that follicle and somewhere above the pain I heard no egg, I could barely contain the sobs. So she gave me a little break. Just a tiny little one long enough to get my breathing back undercontrol. And then we were at it again. I reached down to my hips and grabbed the table on both sides just as hard as I could. Trying to keep still, trying to focus on something other than the pain. At some point one of the other nurses came in I think to hold my hand but I had a deathgrip on the table and wasn't letting go. Instead I vaguely felt her softly stroking my shoulder and somewhere beyond all the pain I think the Dr. was gently rubbing the inside of my thigh. Light soft touches as she tried to coax me to breath. And then it was over.
They handed me a tissue and asked if I could sit up which aside from my legs almost wanting to tremble off the bed I had no problem with. That's when I found out they had only gotten one egg. I don't know what happened to that other follicle on my left side, but apparently it didn't stick around.
I walked out of the surgery room, the nice nurse that I really like gave me a hug and directed me to the bathroom. There was a little bit of very bright blood on the tissue but thankfully it didn't hurt to go. I changed into my street clothes, a pair of oversized grey yoga pants and my Sara Barielles shirt I'd gotten the night before that reads 'I wanna see you be Brave'. The embryologist came back out and confirmed they had only gotten one egg but that it looked really good, and then she sat down to give me my new sheet of instructions.
I walked out of the clinic and to the car. Where I curled up in the backseat and waited for DH to finish his contribution. Yes, without anethesia they really do let you leave that quickly. For the next hour or so the tears would come and go as they pleased along with all over tremors even though I wasn't cold at all. Nauseousness settled in a little after and the pill they gave me for that appears to be some sort of joke.
At 2 o'clock they called to let us know how things were going. DH answered the phone since I was curled up in bed, pretending to sleep. When they received his sample none of the little swimmers were moving, but after washing them 75% came back around and started swimming. Of course a very large portion of those were abnormal. They told him they were able to find four good ones. Why did they tell him that? I don't really know. After all we only needed one. They let him know that our one egg had undergone ICSI and for all intents and purposes appeared to have taken. I was overjoyed that our little egg was officially something more, and I have dubbed it our little acorn.
From tiny tiny acorns mighty oaks grow.
They tell us that they'll call every day except for Monday to let us know how our little acorn is doing. I dislike that they plan on pushing it to a day 5 transfer. I would think since we already know we can only put back in one that there's no point in waiting, but...apparently the dr. thinks otherwise.
So I'll be waiting with baited breath for that phone call, knowing that all our hopes rest on that little acorn and how strong of a fighter it truly is.
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Thursday, July 31, 2014
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
Trigger Happy
Last night at 8:47 exactly I adminstered my trigger shot. It would have been 8:45 but I was having issues yet again with super strong belly skin. Last time I was able to move it just a little to the side and viola! This time uhuh I moved it three seperate times and finally gave up and forced it in at the spot of least resistance. Which might be the reason why my stomach feels like crap this morning. Oh jeez the soreness. I can't bend over or sit down without a very real reminder of that shot. I think this hurts worse than the shot itself. And lets not even talk about when one of my furries decided to walk across my belly this morning. Kitty was almost launched into a wall. It did feel nice when she returned and sat just under the shot area. Like a personal vibrating heating pad.
As per the clinic's request I took a pregnancy test this morning to confirm that the trigger is in my system.
There she is folks! My first ever positive pregnancy test. Pity, its a falsie. I must say I expected it to be a darker line. But if there's one thing I've learned from TB its 'a line is a line' unless its an ovulation test, then a line is only a line if its a dark line.
Tonight I get to go to my concert. *squee* super excited about that. I'm thinking that due to stomach soreness I'm probably going to wear a dress and let DH do just about everything for me shy of actually walking to our location. After we get there I'm going to plop down on a blanket and just enjoy some beautiful music under the stars.
Tomorrow will be here bright and early with egg retrival.
As per the clinic's request I took a pregnancy test this morning to confirm that the trigger is in my system.
There she is folks! My first ever positive pregnancy test. Pity, its a falsie. I must say I expected it to be a darker line. But if there's one thing I've learned from TB its 'a line is a line' unless its an ovulation test, then a line is only a line if its a dark line.
Tonight I get to go to my concert. *squee* super excited about that. I'm thinking that due to stomach soreness I'm probably going to wear a dress and let DH do just about everything for me shy of actually walking to our location. After we get there I'm going to plop down on a blanket and just enjoy some beautiful music under the stars.
Tomorrow will be here bright and early with egg retrival.
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
Monitoring Appointment Round 3
Yesterday was our third and it looks like final monitoring appointment.
My two lead follicles have grown to a 20mm and an 18mm. I was a little saddened to learn that the third follicle decided that it didn't want to join the party and stopped growing. Boo third follicle! I really wanted at least three eggs to work with. Two seems so little. Not that three is much better but...
At least I did receive a little good news on the front that my lining has significantly plumped up to an 8. I left the clinic feeling a little bummed and sadly bloated.
Once home I crawled into bed and took a nap. These early morning roadtrips to Chattanooga are killer. In order to get there for my 8:30 appointments I have to leave the house around 5:30 my time to make up for the time difference. We're literally there for maybe thirty minutes most days and then its back on the road. I spend six times the amount of time in the car traveling each day as I do actually in the clinic.
My mom and I completed the Cracker Barrell trifecta yesterday as well. We have officially eaten at every Cracker Barrell between Chattanooga and home during all this. That's 4 different Cracker Barrells. But I've by far eaten at the one just down the road from the clinic the most.
I'm finding it harder and harder to remain positive as time trickles away. I had really hoped to get around 5 eggs during all this. But that just hasn't happened. I know in reality it only takes one good egg and one good sperm but still. I wound up talking to my mom about how things would have to change a little if this doesn't work. The big thing being that people have to stop telling me how much my niece looks like me. And how my grandma needs to stop trying to recreate my childhood pictures with my brother's kid. Come on recreate his childhood pictures, its his kid! Stop reminding me constantly of something I may never have. It can be so difficult to visit when everything is about my niece, every second of every conversation is just too much.
So perhaps because I was feeling bummed and bloated I chilled at home for the rest of the day instead of cleaning anymore. I spent $40 buying classic mario games for the wii, like Dr. Mario, Super Mario Brothers 3, Super Mario World, and Super Mario Cart. What brought on this sudden old school video game binge? The happiest I have been in the past two weeks has been the days DH and I have sat down and played Mario Cart 64 together. I guess I wanna snag as much of that happy time as possible.
Last night was my last night of stimming. Tonight is my trigger shot. Which means egg retrival will be on Thursday morning. One great thing about that is I can still go to my concert, my planned treat to make up for everything I've endured the past six months. Something just for me.
With egg retrival on Thursday that means a transfer would most likely be on either Sunday or Tuesday. I'm rooting for Sunday since that means DH could actually be there the moment I become pregnant. It seems odd to think that at the moment we get pregnant he could be 4 hours away and that's without a time difference.
My two lead follicles have grown to a 20mm and an 18mm. I was a little saddened to learn that the third follicle decided that it didn't want to join the party and stopped growing. Boo third follicle! I really wanted at least three eggs to work with. Two seems so little. Not that three is much better but...
At least I did receive a little good news on the front that my lining has significantly plumped up to an 8. I left the clinic feeling a little bummed and sadly bloated.
Once home I crawled into bed and took a nap. These early morning roadtrips to Chattanooga are killer. In order to get there for my 8:30 appointments I have to leave the house around 5:30 my time to make up for the time difference. We're literally there for maybe thirty minutes most days and then its back on the road. I spend six times the amount of time in the car traveling each day as I do actually in the clinic.
My mom and I completed the Cracker Barrell trifecta yesterday as well. We have officially eaten at every Cracker Barrell between Chattanooga and home during all this. That's 4 different Cracker Barrells. But I've by far eaten at the one just down the road from the clinic the most.
I'm finding it harder and harder to remain positive as time trickles away. I had really hoped to get around 5 eggs during all this. But that just hasn't happened. I know in reality it only takes one good egg and one good sperm but still. I wound up talking to my mom about how things would have to change a little if this doesn't work. The big thing being that people have to stop telling me how much my niece looks like me. And how my grandma needs to stop trying to recreate my childhood pictures with my brother's kid. Come on recreate his childhood pictures, its his kid! Stop reminding me constantly of something I may never have. It can be so difficult to visit when everything is about my niece, every second of every conversation is just too much.
So perhaps because I was feeling bummed and bloated I chilled at home for the rest of the day instead of cleaning anymore. I spent $40 buying classic mario games for the wii, like Dr. Mario, Super Mario Brothers 3, Super Mario World, and Super Mario Cart. What brought on this sudden old school video game binge? The happiest I have been in the past two weeks has been the days DH and I have sat down and played Mario Cart 64 together. I guess I wanna snag as much of that happy time as possible.
Last night was my last night of stimming. Tonight is my trigger shot. Which means egg retrival will be on Thursday morning. One great thing about that is I can still go to my concert, my planned treat to make up for everything I've endured the past six months. Something just for me.
With egg retrival on Thursday that means a transfer would most likely be on either Sunday or Tuesday. I'm rooting for Sunday since that means DH could actually be there the moment I become pregnant. It seems odd to think that at the moment we get pregnant he could be 4 hours away and that's without a time difference.
Sunday, July 27, 2014
Monitoring Round 2
At my second monitoring appointment DH got to go with me, which is great because I think some of the people at the clinic were beginning to think my mother was my partner. Egh. So weird. It's obvious that we're mother, daughter but still I had a few comments of 'your husband....or your partner?' Whatever.
I still had three follicles but two have started to stand out. One at 18mm and the other at 16mm. My lining had only thickened up by about a single mm. The doctor said I could probably trigger that day and the eggs would be ready but he'd like to give my lining a little more time and maybe just maybe that third follicle would get big enough in the meantime as well. It's almost unbelievable to me that we're already talking trigger!
So the doctor decided to keep me on 150 iu of menopur for one more night and then downshift to 75 the next. I go back for my third monitoring appointment on Monday and I honestly wouldn't be surprised at all if he told me to trigger then. Which feels crazy soon but honestly would put my ER day almost exactly where I thought it would...smack dab ontop of my concert. Boo. I was hoping for a day or two after originally. We'll see I guess.
My second round of injections went great. So much easier the second time around even though my menopur site kinda didn't want to stop bleeding for a few minutes.
I still had three follicles but two have started to stand out. One at 18mm and the other at 16mm. My lining had only thickened up by about a single mm. The doctor said I could probably trigger that day and the eggs would be ready but he'd like to give my lining a little more time and maybe just maybe that third follicle would get big enough in the meantime as well. It's almost unbelievable to me that we're already talking trigger!
So the doctor decided to keep me on 150 iu of menopur for one more night and then downshift to 75 the next. I go back for my third monitoring appointment on Monday and I honestly wouldn't be surprised at all if he told me to trigger then. Which feels crazy soon but honestly would put my ER day almost exactly where I thought it would...smack dab ontop of my concert. Boo. I was hoping for a day or two after originally. We'll see I guess.
My second round of injections went great. So much easier the second time around even though my menopur site kinda didn't want to stop bleeding for a few minutes.
Friday, July 25, 2014
I am woman hear me Roar!
Tonight I started my injections.
I was super nervous, my hands were shaking, my blood was pounding in my ears. I had to mix two vials of menopur to get the dose that the Re wants for me. There was an issue with an air bubble the first time, a massive air bubble. I finally had to squirt it back out into the vial and redraw it and then it went fine. An injection of menopur and one of Ganerilex later and it kinda sorta looks like a snake bit me on the lower left side of my tummy. Even with icing the spot and massaging a little the menopur continued to sting for a little while. It reminded me slightly of a wasp sting how they continue to sting and burn the effect coming and going for a few hours.
So at any rate I did it, whoot whoot. And I didn't need help from DH or anybody else to do it aside from the amazing encouragement from my girls, my online girls that is. I wanted to shout this little sucess to the rooftops and then felt slightly sad that I didn't have anyone close enough to our situation to tell other than my mother. Sometimes I feel like a loser that my closest friend is my mother.
After the shots, DH and I went to go see Hercules. It was okay but for me Kevin Sorbo is THE Hercules. Nobody else comes close. After the movie we went to a local italian place for the first time...we will not be going back. It was kinda a joke of a place as far as food quality/selection compared to price. So now I'm back home getting ready for bed and my RE appointment in the morning.
I've been thinking of sharing this song for a while it so perfectly describes me right now and I think tonight is the perfect night. I'm supposed to be going to see this wonderful lady on wednesday night for my first concert in so long I can't even remember the last one. How much you wanna bet Wednesday is ER day and I miss it?
I was super nervous, my hands were shaking, my blood was pounding in my ears. I had to mix two vials of menopur to get the dose that the Re wants for me. There was an issue with an air bubble the first time, a massive air bubble. I finally had to squirt it back out into the vial and redraw it and then it went fine. An injection of menopur and one of Ganerilex later and it kinda sorta looks like a snake bit me on the lower left side of my tummy. Even with icing the spot and massaging a little the menopur continued to sting for a little while. It reminded me slightly of a wasp sting how they continue to sting and burn the effect coming and going for a few hours.
So at any rate I did it, whoot whoot. And I didn't need help from DH or anybody else to do it aside from the amazing encouragement from my girls, my online girls that is. I wanted to shout this little sucess to the rooftops and then felt slightly sad that I didn't have anyone close enough to our situation to tell other than my mother. Sometimes I feel like a loser that my closest friend is my mother.
After the shots, DH and I went to go see Hercules. It was okay but for me Kevin Sorbo is THE Hercules. Nobody else comes close. After the movie we went to a local italian place for the first time...we will not be going back. It was kinda a joke of a place as far as food quality/selection compared to price. So now I'm back home getting ready for bed and my RE appointment in the morning.
I've been thinking of sharing this song for a while it so perfectly describes me right now and I think tonight is the perfect night. I'm supposed to be going to see this wonderful lady on wednesday night for my first concert in so long I can't even remember the last one. How much you wanna bet Wednesday is ER day and I miss it?
Monitoring Appt 1
Yesterday was Cycle Day 7, 3 doses of letrozole down.
I arrived at the clinic at 8:30am and was slightly surprised to see how busy it was. Usually I'm about the only person there but this time the waiting room was full. I can't help but feel a tiny bit out of place as I look around the room. Most the woman there look to be in their late thirties to mid-forties. I feel like a kid. : / It's probably all in my head but it seems like they all swivel when I walk in the room. Like they don't think I should be there. Which is a stupid way to feel, but there it is I guess. There was a lady in a scrub set with very short severe cut. Another lady that looked mildly dressed up also with a short cut, big hoop earrings, and nice voice. And a couple who looked so much alike in appearance but so different in age that I almost would have thought she was his mother if we were in a different doctor's office. As I was waiting another woman pulled up in a teeny tiny mini skirt and sky high heels, holding her sneakers in one hand, she looked maybe a little younger than my mom. I can't help but wonder what her story is. This is what I do by the way. I do it everywhere I go. I people watch and imagine their stories. Its how you learn to write relatable characters and its how I make myself feel safe in any given situation. And I don't do it by staring most people probably don't even know I'm watching them from the corner of my eye.
In just a few minutes I'm called back by a very young very friendly nurse. She mentions my haircut which surprises me because its been almost a month and I've been back to the clinic a half a dozen times and she's the first person to comment on it. It relaxes me and I find myself chattering back and forth about short hair vs long hair. Which was probably her exact intent. The dr comes in and tells me that today we're just doing an ultrasound and no bloodwork because quote 'it liiess'. Yeah he really did draw out the word lies. I kinda stared at him and he explained that letrozole would cause false readings. Oh well that makes a little more sense then. The ultrasound is over quickly. And he tells me that I have three follicles making a go of it on my left ovary. The largest one of which is 12mm. He's not worried about my lining being thin because apparently it can't grow when you are on letrozole but it catches up quickly afterwards. However I seem to be responding very well and he's thinking of changing up my medications. They'll call me later for sure.
I get home and embark on yet another whirl wind cleaning expedition with my mom/chauffer. I can't help but wonder why I'm apparently not allowed to go to the drs office by myself. But oh well company :) . Today we're tackeling the office slash future baby's room. Which is by far the worst room in the house. It currently houses the litter box and has a very odd shape that has become a catch all for every piece of junk in my house not to mention that it also houses my insane collection of photography props. We worked on it for six hours. In the end we had a car load of stuff that went to Goodwill and another carload that went to the dump. But its clean and organized now. With all my prop stuff in brand new totes properly labeled and stacked out of the way. The carpet spotbot-ted in places that needed where my cats have ridiculously bad aim and vacummed. I can't wait til we do this remodel. I'm creating a cat closet just for them, complete with tiled floors, tiled lower walls, and a cat door so nobody has to look at or smell the litterbox but them. We'll also be adding in a closet and a shower and a vanity and ...well that's a story for another time I guess.
At 4:30 I got the call from the drs office to take my fourth dose of letrozole that night, but not the 5th dose the next night because they want me to start my injects. Also to come back in on Saturday morning for another ultrasound and bloodwork. Yikes! So I call my bff, who happens to be a surgical tech. She had in the past promised to help me with my injections. She answers the phone in walmart where she is shopping for supplies for her vacation. My heart drops. She proceeds to tell me they're going on a last minute spur of the moment 4 day vacation to see another one of her friends in Virginia and they're leaving in the morning. Crap, crap, crap. Looks like I'll be doing my injects on my own. My mom is rather pissed at her, my husband is definitely pissed, but I'm trying my best to understand. I don't expect her to drop everything and come running when I call. I am a little hurt that all of her talk of 'I'll do anything you need to help you out during all this, anything, just call' is kinda just smoke in the wind. But when it all comes down to it...I'm a big girl and I can do this myself dammnit. I don't need her to do it, or my dad, or my husband. I can do this...and tonight I will.
It feels like everything is moving so fast!
I arrived at the clinic at 8:30am and was slightly surprised to see how busy it was. Usually I'm about the only person there but this time the waiting room was full. I can't help but feel a tiny bit out of place as I look around the room. Most the woman there look to be in their late thirties to mid-forties. I feel like a kid. : / It's probably all in my head but it seems like they all swivel when I walk in the room. Like they don't think I should be there. Which is a stupid way to feel, but there it is I guess. There was a lady in a scrub set with very short severe cut. Another lady that looked mildly dressed up also with a short cut, big hoop earrings, and nice voice. And a couple who looked so much alike in appearance but so different in age that I almost would have thought she was his mother if we were in a different doctor's office. As I was waiting another woman pulled up in a teeny tiny mini skirt and sky high heels, holding her sneakers in one hand, she looked maybe a little younger than my mom. I can't help but wonder what her story is. This is what I do by the way. I do it everywhere I go. I people watch and imagine their stories. Its how you learn to write relatable characters and its how I make myself feel safe in any given situation. And I don't do it by staring most people probably don't even know I'm watching them from the corner of my eye.
In just a few minutes I'm called back by a very young very friendly nurse. She mentions my haircut which surprises me because its been almost a month and I've been back to the clinic a half a dozen times and she's the first person to comment on it. It relaxes me and I find myself chattering back and forth about short hair vs long hair. Which was probably her exact intent. The dr comes in and tells me that today we're just doing an ultrasound and no bloodwork because quote 'it liiess'. Yeah he really did draw out the word lies. I kinda stared at him and he explained that letrozole would cause false readings. Oh well that makes a little more sense then. The ultrasound is over quickly. And he tells me that I have three follicles making a go of it on my left ovary. The largest one of which is 12mm. He's not worried about my lining being thin because apparently it can't grow when you are on letrozole but it catches up quickly afterwards. However I seem to be responding very well and he's thinking of changing up my medications. They'll call me later for sure.
I get home and embark on yet another whirl wind cleaning expedition with my mom/chauffer. I can't help but wonder why I'm apparently not allowed to go to the drs office by myself. But oh well company :) . Today we're tackeling the office slash future baby's room. Which is by far the worst room in the house. It currently houses the litter box and has a very odd shape that has become a catch all for every piece of junk in my house not to mention that it also houses my insane collection of photography props. We worked on it for six hours. In the end we had a car load of stuff that went to Goodwill and another carload that went to the dump. But its clean and organized now. With all my prop stuff in brand new totes properly labeled and stacked out of the way. The carpet spotbot-ted in places that needed where my cats have ridiculously bad aim and vacummed. I can't wait til we do this remodel. I'm creating a cat closet just for them, complete with tiled floors, tiled lower walls, and a cat door so nobody has to look at or smell the litterbox but them. We'll also be adding in a closet and a shower and a vanity and ...well that's a story for another time I guess.
At 4:30 I got the call from the drs office to take my fourth dose of letrozole that night, but not the 5th dose the next night because they want me to start my injects. Also to come back in on Saturday morning for another ultrasound and bloodwork. Yikes! So I call my bff, who happens to be a surgical tech. She had in the past promised to help me with my injections. She answers the phone in walmart where she is shopping for supplies for her vacation. My heart drops. She proceeds to tell me they're going on a last minute spur of the moment 4 day vacation to see another one of her friends in Virginia and they're leaving in the morning. Crap, crap, crap. Looks like I'll be doing my injects on my own. My mom is rather pissed at her, my husband is definitely pissed, but I'm trying my best to understand. I don't expect her to drop everything and come running when I call. I am a little hurt that all of her talk of 'I'll do anything you need to help you out during all this, anything, just call' is kinda just smoke in the wind. But when it all comes down to it...I'm a big girl and I can do this myself dammnit. I don't need her to do it, or my dad, or my husband. I can do this...and tonight I will.
It feels like everything is moving so fast!
Monday, July 21, 2014
Here we go!
Here we are at the starting line. The pistol's been fired. Lets go.
Today was my baseline appointment and endometrial biopsy.
I got the all clear from the doctor to start my medicine, which for the next 5 nights consists of 7.5 mg of Letrozole. And for the next 14 mornings a half tablet of Dexamethason. DH also gets to start his zpack of antibiotics. Lucky guy 5 pills and he's done with his side of the prepping.
The endometrial biopsy was not fun. The nurse advised me ahead of time to take 800 mg of ibuprofen which at first I didn't think much of til I looked at the bottle of ibuprofen on my counter. Those tablets are only 200mg and you're not supposed to exceed 400mg in like a six hour span. I immediately began wondering exactly how bad is this supposed to hurt!?
On top of that I was a little worried about getting a full bladder. Trivial worry right. Well I'm the kinda girl who can sip on a canned coke all...day...long. Too much liquid tends to make me burp alot and feel quite sickly. Turns out one full 20 oz gatorade and a canned coke equals a full bladder for me. I felt like I was going to get sick before I finished the gatorade but I only had an hour and a half to get to full bladder status. Now that I know the magic amount I'll be prepared come the next time a procedure calls for a full bladder.
Back to the biopsy. It does hurt. Quite a bit actually. For me it felt like my strongest, sharpest, menstrual cramp ever x5. Course I don't usually get menstrual cramps. Thankfully it only lasted maybe a minute and then the doc was more worried about getting my cervix to stop bleeding from the 'pinch marks' where he had to grab onto it apparently. Ugh. I didn't cramp anymore after that was finished. Doc told me that I was 'a strong woman'. Hmm really. Or do you just say that to all your obviously nervous patients. Oh and that most likely that would be the worst pain up til actual childbirth in this whole process. Which hey, I'll take that!
Which by the way the biopsy isn't for pathology purposes. In fact they aren't even testing it at all. Apparently there are several studies out there that point to this procedure and a similar one called 'scratching' as increasing the rate of implantation. I think of it like pruning a tree or a bush. When you cut off small piece during the right time, the plant redoubles its growth effort and many times two limbs grow from the space where there used to be one. Make sense?
I go back for my first monitoring appointment on Thursday.
In the meantime I've been trying to clean house like crazy. I've been joking with the hubs that I'm 'nesting'. haha. This seems to be my way of being positive. A part of me is preparing for the worst outcomes, but the front I have to put out is cleaning house like a mad lady, a real deep cleaning like it hasn't seen since we moved in 5 years ago, so that it'll be easier to keep clean during pregnancy and closer to its ideal situation when a baby arrives. I don't really think I believe that spiel, but if it keeps people off my back and keeps my mind and body busy its worth every second. Right now I've got 3 out of 7 areas clean.
It is so hard to balance hope and fear right now. I feel like I have three modes right now. Full out psyched and excited, full out terrified, and right smack dab in the middle where I don't really feel anything. No mix.
Today was my baseline appointment and endometrial biopsy.
I got the all clear from the doctor to start my medicine, which for the next 5 nights consists of 7.5 mg of Letrozole. And for the next 14 mornings a half tablet of Dexamethason. DH also gets to start his zpack of antibiotics. Lucky guy 5 pills and he's done with his side of the prepping.
The endometrial biopsy was not fun. The nurse advised me ahead of time to take 800 mg of ibuprofen which at first I didn't think much of til I looked at the bottle of ibuprofen on my counter. Those tablets are only 200mg and you're not supposed to exceed 400mg in like a six hour span. I immediately began wondering exactly how bad is this supposed to hurt!?
On top of that I was a little worried about getting a full bladder. Trivial worry right. Well I'm the kinda girl who can sip on a canned coke all...day...long. Too much liquid tends to make me burp alot and feel quite sickly. Turns out one full 20 oz gatorade and a canned coke equals a full bladder for me. I felt like I was going to get sick before I finished the gatorade but I only had an hour and a half to get to full bladder status. Now that I know the magic amount I'll be prepared come the next time a procedure calls for a full bladder.
Back to the biopsy. It does hurt. Quite a bit actually. For me it felt like my strongest, sharpest, menstrual cramp ever x5. Course I don't usually get menstrual cramps. Thankfully it only lasted maybe a minute and then the doc was more worried about getting my cervix to stop bleeding from the 'pinch marks' where he had to grab onto it apparently. Ugh. I didn't cramp anymore after that was finished. Doc told me that I was 'a strong woman'. Hmm really. Or do you just say that to all your obviously nervous patients. Oh and that most likely that would be the worst pain up til actual childbirth in this whole process. Which hey, I'll take that!
Which by the way the biopsy isn't for pathology purposes. In fact they aren't even testing it at all. Apparently there are several studies out there that point to this procedure and a similar one called 'scratching' as increasing the rate of implantation. I think of it like pruning a tree or a bush. When you cut off small piece during the right time, the plant redoubles its growth effort and many times two limbs grow from the space where there used to be one. Make sense?
I go back for my first monitoring appointment on Thursday.
In the meantime I've been trying to clean house like crazy. I've been joking with the hubs that I'm 'nesting'. haha. This seems to be my way of being positive. A part of me is preparing for the worst outcomes, but the front I have to put out is cleaning house like a mad lady, a real deep cleaning like it hasn't seen since we moved in 5 years ago, so that it'll be easier to keep clean during pregnancy and closer to its ideal situation when a baby arrives. I don't really think I believe that spiel, but if it keeps people off my back and keeps my mind and body busy its worth every second. Right now I've got 3 out of 7 areas clean.
It is so hard to balance hope and fear right now. I feel like I have three modes right now. Full out psyched and excited, full out terrified, and right smack dab in the middle where I don't really feel anything. No mix.
Monday, July 14, 2014
Medication
I was excited when I opened the big package on my doorstep. The excitement waned a little halfway through and by the time I finished repacking everything I was on the verge of a panic attack. I went outside and sat on our porch swing and just breathed.
Before IF I was the kind of girl who never took anything, heck I didn't even take an ibuprofen or tylenol unless the pain was going to make me throw up. I never took drugs, I never smoked, I barely touched acholol. Aside from the junk food my body was a temple. The thought of putting all of this in my body is terribly scary and I'll admit upsetting. I find myself constantly reminding my inner naturalist that all of this is necessary and more importantly worth it in the end if it gets us to our goal, our family.
At the moment I'm on 600 mg of CoQ10(2 300mg pills), 1 vitamin D pill a day, 2 folgard tablets, and my prenatal. I already feel slightly overwhelmed and I've barely even started. I haven't even got to the really scary stuff yet.
I have a little good news on that front. It would seem at the moment that my best friend is going to help me with my injections. She's a scrub tech and I remember the countless hours she practiced on an orange way back when she was still in school. Which is good because I am a little leery about jabbing myself with a sharp object.
Now I'm just waiting for CD1 to get this show on the road. It should be here literally any day now.
Oh one more thing slightly irked at my doctor who assured us that our meds would be well under a thousand dollars. Yeah right. 1700 and some change up there easy. He needs to know a little bit more about this stuff before throwing out estimations like that. If DH hadn't have gotten that new job and a bonus that extra 700 and something would have throwed me completely out of whack.
Friday, July 11, 2014
A little fun, a little sun
Well The 1st was my last day on the job. Yay me!.
The 4th was mine and my husband's 9th date-aversary. We celebrated by getting all fancied up and going to the Melting Pot for the first time. I was absolutely blown away. We had a wonderful time and the food was amazing. The experience itself was unlike anything either one of us had done before. We sat in a cozy romantic corner booth out of the way and shared an amazing four courses of decadence. Afterwards we snagged one of the local fireworks shows and headed home.
On the way we started to talking about vacations. Gatlinburg got tossed out, as well as the Keys.
By Saturday afternoon we'd finally made a decision and the plans were made to hop on down to Panama City Beach.
Sunday we left had an oh so yummy breakfast at Denny's and about 8 hours later we were on the beach playing in the surf and soaking up some rays. We ate at Pineapple Willy's that first night. That place is so overrated. Bleck. Definitely not going back. The next day we had Krispy Kreme donuts straight off the line (holy cow who knew fresh donuts tasted so damn good!) and then caught the shuttle to Shell Island. We spent about three maybe four hours in the surf, snorkeling and goofing off and then headed back to land. We had a great late lunch at Runaway Bay where they have this amazing sugar scrub in the bathrooms. Then petered around town looking in all the shops and making plans for the evening. Evening brought some good times at the local Dave and Busters. I tried my hand at Fruit Ninja for the first time. It is subsequently now on my Kindle. But my favorite games are the oldies, the skeeball, the hoops, the clown throw, etc. Can't beat the classic carnival games. The next morning we opted out of mini golf in favor of getting a head start on home. By Tuesday night we were back in own beds and back to reality.
Boo Reality.
More Pictures coming as soon as we use up all the exposures on our waterproof camera til then...
The 4th was mine and my husband's 9th date-aversary. We celebrated by getting all fancied up and going to the Melting Pot for the first time. I was absolutely blown away. We had a wonderful time and the food was amazing. The experience itself was unlike anything either one of us had done before. We sat in a cozy romantic corner booth out of the way and shared an amazing four courses of decadence. Afterwards we snagged one of the local fireworks shows and headed home.
On the way we started to talking about vacations. Gatlinburg got tossed out, as well as the Keys.
By Saturday afternoon we'd finally made a decision and the plans were made to hop on down to Panama City Beach.
Sunday we left had an oh so yummy breakfast at Denny's and about 8 hours later we were on the beach playing in the surf and soaking up some rays. We ate at Pineapple Willy's that first night. That place is so overrated. Bleck. Definitely not going back. The next day we had Krispy Kreme donuts straight off the line (holy cow who knew fresh donuts tasted so damn good!) and then caught the shuttle to Shell Island. We spent about three maybe four hours in the surf, snorkeling and goofing off and then headed back to land. We had a great late lunch at Runaway Bay where they have this amazing sugar scrub in the bathrooms. Then petered around town looking in all the shops and making plans for the evening. Evening brought some good times at the local Dave and Busters. I tried my hand at Fruit Ninja for the first time. It is subsequently now on my Kindle. But my favorite games are the oldies, the skeeball, the hoops, the clown throw, etc. Can't beat the classic carnival games. The next morning we opted out of mini golf in favor of getting a head start on home. By Tuesday night we were back in own beds and back to reality.
Boo Reality.
More Pictures coming as soon as we use up all the exposures on our waterproof camera til then...
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| Awesome when you can roll out of bed, open your door, and viola, Ocean! |
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| Pretty ocean view |
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| One cool honey! |
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
Insanely bad luck or could it be good?
I don't know anymore.
It's like a picture I saw on my favorite facebook group, I'm tired of blessings coming in disguise. If I were a blessing I'd wear a big neon flashing sign around my neck.
On Sunday we got into a car accident. Yes, another one though this time I was 'priveleged' to be along for the ride. We went a town over to go to the cheap movie theatre, the one where you can get tickets, two drinks, a bag of popcorn, and a box of candy for twenty bucks. It's totally worth the drive, even if it is about an hour away. We took the new car. Yes the new car, the one we got less than a week and a half ago. We ate at Applebee's before the movie and at 6:40 we left to make the ticket line. We're sitting at a red light two to three cars in front of us, I'm playing candy crush on his phone, because well apparently I'm addicted to the stupid little game and can't go five minutes without playing it. He looks into his rearview and suddenly shouts 'oh shit' while simultaneously smashing down on the pedal and attempting to swerve around the car in front of us. Before I could do much more than put both feet on the floorboard, there's the jolt, crunch, sound of shattering glass, squeal of tires. I admit I went rather ape shit and started screaming expletives at the top of my lungs. I was so angry I wanted to crawl though the now non-existent back window. I mean its a brand new f'ing car. We get out and see the gigantic red pickup truck that rammed us. Then we see the bumper, or rather lack there of. Oh, there it is about 15-20 feet back in the middle of the road along with the rear window. I walk around the side of the car and just start sobbing. The whole back end on the driver's side is crushed in, almost into the tires. I notice a cop walking up and I'm like how the hell did he get here so fast. Apparently it's an off duty highway patrol man who just happened to be in a car in the lane over from us and saw the whole thing.
I am so thankful for my husband's quick reflexes. If the truck had hit us dead on, as it would have if DH hadn't noticed them barreling towards us in the rearview, this would be a whole different story. There's no doubt in my mind that we would have been injured. We would have hit the cars in front of us. I am incredibly thankful that as of the moment it appears neither of us were really hurt, though I can't be sure. My knee hurt yesterday, my lower back almost at my tailbone hurts today unless I'm standing/sitting straight up. I'm hoping both of these things will go away soon. He appears for the most part uninjured at all.
We took the car to a body shop today and it looks like its totaled. *sigh* Two vehicles in three weeks gone...just gone. I just don't know what to do anymore.
On a few different notes...
Today was my last day of work. I am so happy to be out of there and to have a little quiet time before the craziness coming our way.
My mock transfer went well.
I picked up some of meds for our cycle today as well. Valium, Estrace, something for nausea?, and antibiotics. They also recommended I start taking 600 mg of CoQ10 as well, so I got that too. I pick up the steriods tomorrow. Apparently the rest are already ordered, even the stuff from Freedom Fertility. It makes this very very real.
It's like a picture I saw on my favorite facebook group, I'm tired of blessings coming in disguise. If I were a blessing I'd wear a big neon flashing sign around my neck.
On Sunday we got into a car accident. Yes, another one though this time I was 'priveleged' to be along for the ride. We went a town over to go to the cheap movie theatre, the one where you can get tickets, two drinks, a bag of popcorn, and a box of candy for twenty bucks. It's totally worth the drive, even if it is about an hour away. We took the new car. Yes the new car, the one we got less than a week and a half ago. We ate at Applebee's before the movie and at 6:40 we left to make the ticket line. We're sitting at a red light two to three cars in front of us, I'm playing candy crush on his phone, because well apparently I'm addicted to the stupid little game and can't go five minutes without playing it. He looks into his rearview and suddenly shouts 'oh shit' while simultaneously smashing down on the pedal and attempting to swerve around the car in front of us. Before I could do much more than put both feet on the floorboard, there's the jolt, crunch, sound of shattering glass, squeal of tires. I admit I went rather ape shit and started screaming expletives at the top of my lungs. I was so angry I wanted to crawl though the now non-existent back window. I mean its a brand new f'ing car. We get out and see the gigantic red pickup truck that rammed us. Then we see the bumper, or rather lack there of. Oh, there it is about 15-20 feet back in the middle of the road along with the rear window. I walk around the side of the car and just start sobbing. The whole back end on the driver's side is crushed in, almost into the tires. I notice a cop walking up and I'm like how the hell did he get here so fast. Apparently it's an off duty highway patrol man who just happened to be in a car in the lane over from us and saw the whole thing.
I am so thankful for my husband's quick reflexes. If the truck had hit us dead on, as it would have if DH hadn't noticed them barreling towards us in the rearview, this would be a whole different story. There's no doubt in my mind that we would have been injured. We would have hit the cars in front of us. I am incredibly thankful that as of the moment it appears neither of us were really hurt, though I can't be sure. My knee hurt yesterday, my lower back almost at my tailbone hurts today unless I'm standing/sitting straight up. I'm hoping both of these things will go away soon. He appears for the most part uninjured at all.
We took the car to a body shop today and it looks like its totaled. *sigh* Two vehicles in three weeks gone...just gone. I just don't know what to do anymore.
On a few different notes...
Today was my last day of work. I am so happy to be out of there and to have a little quiet time before the craziness coming our way.
My mock transfer went well.
I picked up some of meds for our cycle today as well. Valium, Estrace, something for nausea?, and antibiotics. They also recommended I start taking 600 mg of CoQ10 as well, so I got that too. I pick up the steriods tomorrow. Apparently the rest are already ordered, even the stuff from Freedom Fertility. It makes this very very real.
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