It's hard to believe that its been four years since our wedding day and a little over eight since we started dating to begin with. I think we've surprised alot of people with how far we've made it. A few have even been silly enough to say that out loud. I'll admit we were an unlikely pair in the beginning. I was a socially stunted quiet young woman freshly graduated from highschool and working at my first job outside of the family business. He was eight years older, had already owned and sold his own franchise and was starting over as a general manager. He had an infectious smile and a kind heart even though the weight on his shoulders was at times immense. I could have never imagined the first day I met him that this is where we would end up. It certainly wasn't love at first sight, but then again I was far too rational and closed off for that to have happened. I do know that from that first day he made my life better.
Our wedding day was beautiful. It was on a Sunday. I woke at the crack of dawn and slipped out of the house as quietly as I could manage. My feet were soaked with dew by the time I'd finished the short walk to my grandmother's house and the area where we would have both the ceremony and reception. I couldn't move the huge round tables I'd rented by myself so I crept into their sleeping house and into my grandmother's bedroom as I'd done so many times before waiting for the school bus. It hit me as I watched her sleep that this would probably be the very last time I would do it. It made me hesitate to wake her up, but I did. She threw on some old sweats and helped me lug the big tables into position, and then the chairs. My mother and maid of honor arrived shortly thereafter and together the four of us put up the decorations, wrapping tulle around fence posts, filling little glass vases with stones, water, and a floating candles. I attended to pretty much every detail. I didn't realize then that I tend towards the control freak side of things. But I did have my hands in everything for our wedding. I made the ring bearer pillow, all the floral arrangements, the invitations, even designed the cake. I was finishing up on the back deck when I saw him coming from the house. He was smiling though still a little groggy. I caught a glimpse of him coming through the line of forsythia bushes and under the trellis before I darted back to my grandmother's bedroom. Out of breath and suddenly so very anxious. With shaking hands I did my own hair and makeup, putting tiny little white butterflies in my hair. Then it was time to step into my gown. My best friend from grade school helped my mother lace me up. I was shaking, peeping out the window as everyone arrived. The lady who drove my school bus when I was younger arrived with the cake as we took a few informal bridal photos away from prying eyes. My dad came to tell me it was time and escort me down the aisle. I stepped out of the safety of the house and everyone swiveled to look at me. My heart stopped. I felt panic rising up. I seriously considered turning to run rather than walk through the midst of all those staring faces. My dad latched onto my arm, probably feeling me tense. My gaze lifted and I met my husband's face. Everyone else disappeared as if a massive fog had swept through the yard. I made it through our guests, who thank god didn't stand. I said my vows in a clear sure voice. He broke down and cried saying his. I am so very happy that I went first. I wouldn't have been able to keep from crying if I'd followed that. It was over so fast.
We celebrated our anniversary yesterday since he has to work nightshift all this weekend. He brought me some wonderful gifts then we went to the Olive Garden to eat. I bought him a black long sleeve jacket thingy that he looked absolutely striking in. It was a good day and it felt nice to have something to celebrate.
Make no bones about it. This year has been our most difficult ever. With the diabetes diagnosis, the infertility diagnosis, and his mother's failing health, it has been a struggle most days to find a reason to smile. I know that this is the stuff that makes or breaks a marriage. This is where we discover if the words we said on our wedding day were true. And for us they were. Our marriage and our relationship is just as strong as ever. We are finding a strength within each other that we never knew existed. And whatever comes, whatever happens I am so glad and so grateful that he is my husband.
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