A glimpse

Today is cd1.
Yesterday I was asked to watch my godsons for the day. I arrived at 6:10. Sat in silence while the boys slept all the time watching the clock. Just before 7 I went and moved the car seats into my car and started it because it was a chilly twenty something outside. At 7:00 I went into the oldest's room, E, and woke him up. He's changed from the last time I did this, almost a year ago. Usually he pops right up. Today he grumbled and flopped over. Then grumbled and flopped over again pulling his teddy bear over his face. I remember not wanting to get up for school. My mom used to turn on the light, which infuriated me and only made me want to burrow deeper into the covers. So I sat on the edge of his bed in the dark and rubbed his back talking quietly to him. Time to get up. It's almost time for school. Gotta get dressed. You don't want to be late, do you? It didn't take too much before he sat up and swung his legs over the side of his bed. I brought him his clothes and then warned him I was turning on the light before I left the room to get his almost two year old brother, P, ready. He wasn't ready to get up either, and whiney cried while I changed his nighttime diaper and got him dressed for the day. While I was doing that I reminded the eldest to brush his teeth. Dressed and ready for the day we headed into the kitchen to make a sippy cup for the road.  E came back in dressed, teethbrushed but shoeless. Go get your shoes. He darted off down the hall. I called after him, and a jacket! I put a jacket on P, then helped E when the zipper proved troublesome. Got out E's lunch box from the frig, grabbed E's backpack and my purse and headed out into the cold. E promptly told me the ground was frozen. We made it to school, dropped E off, and headed back home. I took off P's jacket and made him breakfast, chopped up bananas and grapes with a side of apple juice. He didn't eat much, so I put in the fridge for later. Gave him the benedryl his mom had left out for his sinus drainage in a little dropper. Must taste good cause he wanted more. Nu-uh not happening little guy.  Changed over to milk and laid him back down when he started rubbing at his eyes. Yeah Benedryl makes me sleepy too. He slept til almost noon and I napped on the couch. Everytime I nap when the kids sleep I have nightmares. Every single time. They're crying and I can't get up, he fell out of the crib and busted his head, he climbed out of the crib and is now running rampant through the house. You get the gist. So I woke up every 30 minutes to an hour and tiptoed to check in on him. He was always sound asleep. He was happy to get up when I came for him this time. We played in the living room for a while, spiderman and trucks. Then we tried breakfast again. Still not much luck. Changed a dirty diaper, attempted potty training with no luck and moved to E's room to watch a cartoon. Kung-Fu Panda  3. One of those movies I absolutely cannot watch without crying now. Ugh. P lost interest halfway through and kept bringing me stuff to look at, "Mama look". The little voice kinda ripping at my heart as I told him repeatedly 'not Mama, Cindal.' Before I knew it was time to go pick up E. We waited in line for around 30 minutes before we got him. They had a pep rally at school. It was fun. He got to sit with his friends. We got home and I fixed E  corndogs and ketchup for a snack. P finally dove into his fruit with abandon and then shared E's second corndog. E pulled out super mario brothers on the super nintendo while I read P a story for the hundredth time. Their mom got home. To my surprise neither of the boys got up and ran to her. P sat on my lap, E binging and boinging his way across my childhood. I asked if P called everybody mama. She got an odd look and said no. We decided it was because we're around the same age and the lady that normally watches them is a lot older. E asked me to stay for dinner and I agreed.
It was a weird day. I haven't watched both the boys since our infertility problem became real. You know it all comes so natural, even the car seats in my rear view. I used to worry about being a good mother. I worried alot. Watching my godsons on a regular basis helped to ease that worry.  It's good practice, I don't care what anyone says *Ahem GM*, its practice. I know how to do things that alot of new mothers don't have a clue on. When E was P's age, I watched him 4 days a week from 5 in the morning til 5 at night for almost 2 years. Yeah, that's hella practice. Bath time, breakfast lunch and sometimes even dinner, naps, potty training, please and thankyou, tantrums from hell and back, I've even tagged along on more than a dozen doctor's visits. I've been puked on, sneezed on, and on one newborn photography shoot peed on.
I'm as prepared as I can be. I'm ready. This little glimpse into motherhood doesn't scare me or put me off the idea of kids, even with a croupy two year old who is fascinated with the word no and six year old whose favorite phrase is 'Guess what?' I know I'm ready. It's not fair, but IF is definitely not fair.