A new year, a new view

As I wave goodbye to 2013 through the rearview mirror I may or may not have just flipped it the bird. I am so happy to see it go. I keep telling myself that 2014 will be better, 2014 will be my year. There's a tiny voice in the farthest darkened corner of my head that whispers incessantly that it will not. I spend a fair amount of my time working to ignore said little voice. And as I slam the door on that mischievous imp's face once more I turn the page to my resolutions.
A resolution is a firm decision to do or not do something. Some resolutions are firmer than others. Some jiggle like jello or collapse like a souffle at the slightest bump. We all like to believe our resolutions are like concrete or steel. But even concrete cracks and steel warps under the constant pressures of the world around them, heat and cold, water and wind.
As I look back at the resolutions from last year I see more jello than I'd like.

• I wanted to lose 15 to 20 lbs. I worked hard I never gave up, but I only lost 8 lbs. I went to the gym three time a week for almost 9 months, I counted calories, went walking, did yoga, cut down on sweets and sodas, and that was all I lost. Without hurting myself I don't think I could've done anything differently. I also lost almost 5 whole inches from my waist and a pant size. So I did something right. But getting down to the magic number the wii said was my ideal bmi, seemed to stay just out of reach. Was it failure? Or just a smaller version of success.
•   I wanted to get pregnant which consequently was also a resolution from the year before. Or barring that I wanted to start the adoption process. I couldn't make myself do either. If sheer will were enough I'd be long gone on this one. We did however start testing which was also an option on my resolution list. It seems like all we've done since March but that's the world of MFI.
• I wanted to read 50 books. I hit this one out of the ballpark. I read 52 books, one for each week of the year. Pretty darn satisfied with that one.
• I wanted to finish my current WIP 'Dark Divinity'. If I wrote even 10 pages this year I would be surprised. I failed abysmally.
• I wanted to expand my photography business. Instead I kept the status quo. No more no less. Now that I've taken on a second job this is not so much of concern anymore.
•  I wanted to finish our kitchen 'remodel'. I got one new light fixture, a new frig, and a table. We're still lacking the second fixture, a glass top for the table for protection, and seating. And I'm debating on a few other things to add to the remodel, like a backsplash, cushions, maybe a curtain/blind setup for the sliding glass door.
• Start saving more. HA! 2013 was a massive drain on everything. I was lucky my sanity was saved.

So there's my resolution recap. And drum roll please as I roll out the resolutions once more.

1. Get pregnant...seriously...I mean it...
2. Lose an additional 8lbs. I know I can do this. I did it last year, I can do it again. And it will put me squarely ontop of my ideal bmi.
3. Finish 'Dark Divinity'. No more procrastinating, no more excuses. Just do it.
4. Finish the kitchen 'remodel'. Again no procrastinating, no excuses. Just buckle down and get it done.
5. E-publish my two prior books to the Kindle. Come on, it's not that hard. Just set aside a little money, set aside a little time, and do it.
6. Save 10k for IVF hopefully by August/Sept. Already on this one. It's going to be a wench but I can do it.
7. And finally reclaim my spirituality. Find the magic again in life. Reconnect with the Divine and the cycles of nature. Once upon a time I found peace and security in my spirituality, if I retrace my steps maybe I can find out where I dropped them.

That's it. 7 lucky firm decisions on life for 2014.
As for #6 I added 175.99 to the fund yesterday. It's difficult working all week and having so little left to show for it after I expand on the fund but in the end it'll be worth it.
There's also a line from a song on my newest cd that sums things up pretty well.

 'Distill a whole year down into a day
Act like we all start over with a pristine slate
But to get yourself a new life you've got to give the other one away
And I'm starting to believe in the power of a name
Cause it can't be a mistake if I just call it change

December...
Can't turn around now
December...
Break the chain, can't live in circles again'