Nosey Posey

This weekend the husband and I went to a family event. And as seems preresquite for any event nowadays everyone seems inordinately interested in my reproductive timeline. In the two to three hours or so at the cookout I was prodded no less than 4 times about kids. Really people is it any of your business? Why is it so freaking important to you? *sigh*
The first came inocuously enough from a friend of my uncle's, "So when are you gonna have kids?" Let's ignore the fact that you basically just became a thundercloud on an otherwise pretty day. I shrugged, "I don't know." This has been my go to response of late. It's honest without being revealing. She smiles softly, "You're trying though?" I nodded quietly, squirming. "Ah well it will happen eventually." I nodded again, "Eventually," and moved away trying to dislodge the little knife she plunked into my chest. I'd been there less than ten minutes. Shake it off, shake it off.
Maybe an hour later, maybe, a friend of my grandma's sat down in front of me. I've never been too awful fond of her, she just exudes mean even when she's smiling. I can't help but think deep down she's a cruel person, you know the kind, the one with the pitch black eyes and a smile that crinkles her cheek wrinkles but not her crows feet. But she's my Nana's oldest friend, they've been the best of friends since they were preteens. That's alot of years, alot of history, even if I hadn't been taught to respect my elders. The last time I saw her was a little over a year ago at my Sil's baby shower. She was interested in my timeline then. She made a rather crass comment about why she thought I wasn't pregnant yet about how I must be 'keeping my legs closed'. So I obviously wasn't looking forward to what was coming next. "So when are you going to give us another grandkid?" My response was the same as before. Surprisingly enough she backed down 'Ah well that's okay. My husband and I waited 3 years after we were married.' The husband and I looked back and forth at each other. He says, 'Well we will have been married for 4 years in about a week or so." Why, dear love, why did you say that? She gets a shocked look on her face. "Well what are you waiting for?! You're going to have him so spoiled that he won't be able to handle loosing all that attention when the baby comes." I laughed softly, when I wanted to cry, "Oh he knows how to share the attention. We have two kitty cats who get a lot of love." And her response, "Oh well he can kill the cats." My jaw dropped open. He can what?!!! You mean old biddy. I wanted to get up and leave right then. I made myself laugh again, "Not if he wanted to stay married." Then excused myself to get some cake wondering what the hell is wrong with that woman.
A few minutes later my brother, his wife, and my niece show up. Everyone goes gaga over the baby. There's more than one comment about how the she looks like me. Thanks, twist that knife will ya. Like I need another reminder that there's a good chance I may never have a child who looks like me or my husband or anyone in my family. I slink away trying desperately to slide off the radar for a little while. There's a couple more passing comments about me having kids. Nobody lingers thankfully. After a while Little bit gets passed around to me. I swear everyone at an entire table swivels to look at me as soon as I'm holding her. Old women lean in and whisper. Camera flashes are going off. Really? Never seen a woman holding a baby?! More pictures got taken in those few minutes I was holding Little bit than in the entire party. Then the same woman from earlier in the party comes back around. Apparently not content with her first swipe at me, "See this is why you have to hurry up!" I smile so you can't see that I'm clenching my teeth so hard they hurt. If I had any control in this process at all... Gah, I wanted to punch her. I see my husband looking at me from across the yard, with that sympathetic look.
What the heck is wrong with these people? No one ever stops to consider that not everyone has an easy time of it. No one thinks that someone else is hurting inside and is desperately trying to make it through just one normal day.
When we finally got home hubby says he finally understands how hard it is for me, for any woman going through infertility because of the endless questions, the expectations, the judgement, even the shaming that goes with being of a certain married age and childless. He says next time he'll step in and say 'We're adopting and we accept checks.' Hopefully that'll shut them up. Not real sure I like that idea since we haven't actually made that decision yet. Even though we certainly seem to be leaning that way.
So for those of you who are on the opposite side of this fence...Stop asking people when they're going to have children. Stop prodding into when, you might as well ask how while you're at it. Take a few moments out of your life to consider that there might be more going on then you know. That someone might be fighting what could be the most emotionally draining battle of their life. You are not helping.