MIA

So I didn't realize exactly how long it had been since I updated anyone about anything. So if you're ready to jump into this roller coaster that's been my life here it goes. Strap yourself in for a long ride.
When last we talked we were waiting for our follow up with the RE.
It did not go well. We found out through my genetic testing that I have a MTHFR Deficiency which puts us at 3 times the risk of having a child with some sort of defect since I apparently do not process folic acid in the way I should. We also found out that I'm a carrier for a blood clotting disease and that its one of the diseases where just being a carrier puts you at risk. The dr recommended a speciality folate pill to combat the first problem and said that in the event of success he would put me on some sort of blood thinner for the entirety of my pregnancy to combat the risk of the other. Getting pregnant no longer seems the only problem ahead of us. Then he went on to discuss DH's results. No he does not have retrograde. No his count didn't improve at all. He thinks perhaps that DH might have a chromosomal abnormality. In which case our chances of a healthy embryo are in 1 in 6. 1 in 6! We're only doing Natural IVF we'll be lucky if we get 2 eggs much less more than one embryo! Crushed can only describe that moment. So we sent his blood out for a karotype test and decided that in the event that it came back abnormal we would give up on ttc. It would be over.
I had a rough couple of days after that even went home from work the first day cause I couldn't handle it. I moped around, I got angry, and then I got better. I started to make peace. We talked about how we would use the money in the bank for other things. I started trying to plan for a life without kids. I found my peace again. In my head I'd already decided that the karotype would come back abnormal because there has to be a reason for Dh's issues. For the next three weeks that feeling only grew. I had reached a place where I was ready and willing to move on with our lives.
A few days before the three week mark DH came home and surprised me with an offer letter from his work. He got this massive promotion! So very happy on so many levels. Things are finally looking up for us. With the new position he'll bring home more by himself than we were both bringing home before.
A few days later the clinic called with his karotype results. They're normal. I'm floored and surprised and unsure of what to do. And sadly not as happy as I should have been. I felt like for a little bit I stepped off the roller coaster and this news thrust me right back on again. For a little bit I found me again instead of the ttc obsessed lady I had become over the past two years. I was a little loathe to go back. But I'm in it for the long haul so I called the clinic back and received instructions to call with my next period.
A few days after that I got my orthotics for my foot. They freaking hurt! So bad. Not the relief I was hoping for but the Dr. assured me I just need to break them in.On the fourth, fifth, and sixth day of wearing them I stalled out at four hours. I could not bring myself to wear them for even an hour more even though on the sixth day I'm supposed to be up to six hours.
Around the first of this month we thought we had his old car sold. In fact he had the money in hand for a few hours. They called back and wanted a refund since the car was suddenly exhibiting transmission issues. We, being good people, agreed and went to pick it up. The car barely made it back to the house. Stupid kid must have rode it awfully damn hard to cause that kind of reaction in a few hours.
On the 9th I got an emergency call at work. It was DH he'd been in a car wreck. I flew out of that place like a bat out of hell. I thought of all the horrible things that could have happened. I thought about how alone I would be without him. When I saw his truck sticking out of a three foot deep ditch like a demented candle on a birthday cake I thought I would lose it. But there DH was just standing on the side of the road laughing and joking with his favorite mechanic. Dh was fine. The truck was totaled. I became insanely grateful that we hadn't sold the old car because DH had planned to take full coverage off the truck if he had. And I became grateful that the kid tore up the car because if he hadn't DH would have been driving it instead and the little bitty sports car would not have held up like the truck did. I began to call the past week a blessing in disguise.
The next day I put in my two week notice at work. We're down to one vehicle and his new job is way more important than my piddly one that causes me constant pain, plus now that we know we're going ahead with IVF I sincerely don't think my bitch of a boss would be very accommodating with the sudden changes in my schedule. My last day will be the 1st of July. I called my family and arranged to borrow one of their extra cars in the meantime.
On the 12th I go to pick up my temporary ride. My father's baby, his silver stick shift convertible. Ehh. On the way we get a call from the insurance which up until this point has been less than stellar to work with. They're paying off the truck and cutting us a check. For 11,000 dollars! Holy crap. We only paid 7,000 for the truck two years ago. Wow. Just wow. I'm definitely on my blessing in disguise kick now since DH wasn't hurt.
Over the next week I drive my dad's car back and forth to work and on errands. Which getting groceries in a baby sports car is like playing tetris. I hate how impatient people are and how close they get on your ass especially on a hill. I kill that poor car at least once or twice almost every day I drive it just trying to get free of a stop light. Never realized how many hills there are in this little town. Nervous freaking wreck over here. It's been over ten years since last I drove a stick.
The day before yesterday the check for the truck arrives. Dh immediately runs out and buys another vehicle. A 2012 Nissan Sentra with 30k miles on it. It's worth about 5k more than he gets it for.
Yesterday was CD1. I called the clinic and set up my saline sonogram, ivf labs, nurse education class (Also called how to stick yourself), dh's ivf labs and a mock transfer. Whew.  The first part of which will be on Thursday. Which will be one hell of a day since I'll have to go to the clinic early in the morning and then work an overnight (my last overnight!) at work. The second part will be on the following Monday. And then and then it will be a waiting game til I start my period again. AND THEN we'll be cycling! Eeek! Moving forward again.

So to make a very long story short I had more than  a few good reasons for being MIA lately. And if you stuck around to read all of that and catch up with me...thank you.

A good day

I'm all smiles right now. I have had the best day in such a long while. It's amazing how little it really does take to make me happy.
I got an offer letter yesterday on a job. It was for a simple part time cashier position at a new store in town. When I went in today to fill out all the paperwork I was surprised when both the interviewers remembered me by name! Apparently I made an impression since I know they have had to have interviewed at least a 100 people around here. Then one of them pulled me aside with a we have to talk type spiel. The last time I heard that I was being let go. Yeah, I felt sad panic butterflies in my stomach as my adrenaline spiked. He pulled up a chair directly in front of his and we had a little pow wow session. He asked why I'd applied for the cashier position. I told him it was what I had the most prior experience with. He then said well we have this other position and I've been waiting to fill it til I talked with you. I think you'd be perfect for it and I really think it'd be good for you and your photography.
He then proceeded to completely sell me on a full time position that has sat and suns off and in his experience usually works from 5a to 1p leaving me every afternoon and that precious golden hour to make photography appointments. And it pays more.
How awesome is that!  So it looks like I'm going to be a Price Checker. I'm beyond excited.
But the day gets better!
I had an appointment with a prospective wedding client later on the day. She gushed over my portfolio. She was nice, intelligent, creative, prepared, and beautiful. I mean it'll be so easy to take wonderful pictures of her. Then she picked my biggest package, with an engagement session, then she added on a boudoir session, then she added on discs. Then she picked the most expensive leather album I offer and save the dates and mentioned that she probably wanted more later. I am beyond ecstatic to work with her for soooo many reasons.
So despite the fact that I am spotting and probably a day or two away from my period, I am so happy right now. I'm going to float on this little high all weekend or at least until I get the aforementioned period.

That feels good!

It feels good to have hope again. So good.
We had our Urologist appointment yesterday. We were prepared for the worst. And thankfully for once this year, we didn't get it. Our count went up from 175,000 to 425,000. While its a long shot away from anything even resembling normal its a step in the right direction. And the Uro decided to write DH a script for 3 months of clomid. We can only hope that the clomid will cause his counts to skyrocket. I'm not going to count on it, but the hope is still there.
And finally something that qualifies as good news! I can't tell you how long its been since we got really good news. The feeling almost felt alien after so much time being down and disappointed. My Dh works for a contracting company for Nissan. So basically he does the same stuff as the Nissan guys working longer hours for less pay and less benefits. It's been two years. Last night after we got home he checked his email. There was an offer of employment there. Whoohoo! Hopefully before the year is out he'll be switched over and be a real Nissan employee. So awesome.
Then this morning, I get a call... from the vet's office.  It took them two and a half weeks after my initial interview but this morning they called to schedule a working interview for Tuesday. Basically from what I understand, I'll go in, shadow/work without pay, and they'll decide if I'm a good fit. Getting this job would be a great step in the right direction for us. I would finally be able to start saving up money for treatments. Right now our fund sits at a measly $140.00 . Far cry from my guesstimated $13,000.
Also early yesterday morning I got a text from a former client. We hit it off when I did her engagement pictures, and then her wedding, and then a few months later her kids' pictures. She said she was interested in going hiking once a week and was wondering if I knew of any good hiking places close by. And if I would like to join her, because she'd like to just hang out with me sometime. I tell you what that put a huge smile on my face. I don't make friends very easily, I never have. I'm excited for my 'chick date'.
So much good news in such a short time after such a long time without it, I swear I'm giddy.
I also started thinking about doing a gift wrapping service fundraiser and got my mom to agree to go in it with me if I don't get this job. I was thinking set up at the local mall and wrap gifts for donations.
Also I sold something else on Zazzle which made me dive back into designing. Thanks my Canadian friend. I hope you enjoy the shirt. With my husband spurring me on I started a Christmas Card site. Which is here           www.cards.yolasite.com