I spent last night at my Sara Barielles concert, which I might say was amazing. A few songs in she played 'Hercules' which as you know has kinda been my anthem for the past several months. She took a moment to tell the crowd where the song came from and why she wrote it. Basically she was having a crap year. I can relate. Then she dedicated the song to all the people at there struggling with something and just before she started singing said 'Have hope it will get better'. Even though I was in a crowded outdoor ampitheatre it felt like she could have been talking straight to me and I teared up through the whole song. That lady is simply amazing.
We got home a little after midnight, I jumped in the shower and then to bed. 4:45 comes early. We woke up hurried to get ready and in the car to make it to our 8:15 appt. At 7:15 their time, that's 6:15 mine, I took my prescribed valium and 1/2 percoset. By the time they called me in the back I thought I was feeling pretty good. Mostly calm and teeny tiny bit drowsy but hey that could be the 3 and a half hours sleep talking. I changed into my gown, little booties, and shower cap and waited for them to take me back. It took a few minutes during which the embryologist came out and introduced herself which I thought was really nice. Finally it was time. The second I walked into the big scary room both the drowsy and the calm evaporated. Suddenly I was very nervous. I got settled and stared up at the big white light above me trying desperately not to see the what I kid you not looks like a 3 foot needle. Dr. Scotchie did my procedure and she explained to me everything she was doing as she was doing it but I could not tell you what any of it was because shortly after she started there was just too much pain. So so much pain. I struggled to keep my body from jerking away from her as huge wet tears flooded out. She started on my right side which surprised me because that was where the no longer growing follicle was. By the time she finished aspirating that follicle and somewhere above the pain I heard no egg, I could barely contain the sobs. So she gave me a little break. Just a tiny little one long enough to get my breathing back undercontrol. And then we were at it again. I reached down to my hips and grabbed the table on both sides just as hard as I could. Trying to keep still, trying to focus on something other than the pain. At some point one of the other nurses came in I think to hold my hand but I had a deathgrip on the table and wasn't letting go. Instead I vaguely felt her softly stroking my shoulder and somewhere beyond all the pain I think the Dr. was gently rubbing the inside of my thigh. Light soft touches as she tried to coax me to breath. And then it was over.
They handed me a tissue and asked if I could sit up which aside from my legs almost wanting to tremble off the bed I had no problem with. That's when I found out they had only gotten one egg. I don't know what happened to that other follicle on my left side, but apparently it didn't stick around.
I walked out of the surgery room, the nice nurse that I really like gave me a hug and directed me to the bathroom. There was a little bit of very bright blood on the tissue but thankfully it didn't hurt to go. I changed into my street clothes, a pair of oversized grey yoga pants and my Sara Barielles shirt I'd gotten the night before that reads 'I wanna see you be Brave'. The embryologist came back out and confirmed they had only gotten one egg but that it looked really good, and then she sat down to give me my new sheet of instructions.
I walked out of the clinic and to the car. Where I curled up in the backseat and waited for DH to finish his contribution. Yes, without anethesia they really do let you leave that quickly. For the next hour or so the tears would come and go as they pleased along with all over tremors even though I wasn't cold at all. Nauseousness settled in a little after and the pill they gave me for that appears to be some sort of joke.
At 2 o'clock they called to let us know how things were going. DH answered the phone since I was curled up in bed, pretending to sleep. When they received his sample none of the little swimmers were moving, but after washing them 75% came back around and started swimming. Of course a very large portion of those were abnormal. They told him they were able to find four good ones. Why did they tell him that? I don't really know. After all we only needed one. They let him know that our one egg had undergone ICSI and for all intents and purposes appeared to have taken. I was overjoyed that our little egg was officially something more, and I have dubbed it our little acorn.
From tiny tiny acorns mighty oaks grow.
They tell us that they'll call every day except for Monday to let us know how our little acorn is doing. I dislike that they plan on pushing it to a day 5 transfer. I would think since we already know we can only put back in one that there's no point in waiting, but...apparently the dr. thinks otherwise.
So I'll be waiting with baited breath for that phone call, knowing that all our hopes rest on that little acorn and how strong of a fighter it truly is.
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